September 30, 2026 · daily scene
The Auction Paddle
Given circumstances
- Character
- Bidder
- Setting
- Charity auction hall, your seat in the third row, everyone staring at you.
- The moment before
- You were swatting a mosquito. The auctioneer pointed at you and said 'Sold.'
- Scene partner
- The auctioneer on stage, gavel raised, waiting
Direction
Polite horror. You are trying not to cause a scene while absolutely causing a scene.
Script
Sorry — sorry, I wasn't bidding.
AUCTIONEERI saw your paddle go up, sir.
That wasn't the paddle. That was my hand. There was a mosquito. I was defending myself.
And I have a mosquito bite to prove it, so if we could just move on to the next lot—
AUCTIONEERIt's fifteen thousand dollars for the vintage Vespa. Congratulations.
(beat)
I don't even have a motorcycle license. Or fifteen thousand dollars. I came here for the free wine and those little phyllo things.
Can I interest anyone in a mosquito? Gently used. Killer instinct. Starting bid, one Vespa.
Written for Act It Up. Free to rehearse and perform for practice, classes and self-tapes.
Record this scene with a teleprompter and a scene partner who reads the other lines.
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